Peng Mengxian Jessica Peng to u and “sister Amoy” Marriage Message:
In marriage, you need the courage to change. The key to such a change is not to be afraid of change. The responsibilities of a husband and wife should be shared by the two. A woman who bears all the responsibilities alone will gradually lose the “happiness” of marriage. In marriage, you must have the courage to move forward, whether the road ahead will get better or worse . It is difficult for us to guarantee that the road ahead will be free from potholes, nor can we guarantee that the road ahead will be smooth and free of forks. So women encounter bottlenecks in life. As long as your mind is clear, you can know the direction of the strain when facing critical road conditions, just like a driving vehicle encounters obstacles in front and always needs to try to change the direction of travel.
Teacher, I have been married for two years. My husband is unwilling to help with housework. After get off work, he looks at the computer and mobile phone in the study room. No matter how he communicates, he cannot help him with the affairs of the house. I thought that after giving birth, my husband would have a centripetal force for the family. I didn’t expect that my husband would not even want to take care of our children. What should I do? My husband and I are both office workers and the salary is average. I also thought about asking hourly workers for assistance, but the expenses accounted for a lot of our money. I am embarrassed to ask such housework questions. In fact, I have communicated with my husband many times, but the situation has not improved.
Peng Mengxian Jessica Peng ‘s reply to you & “Sister Tao”:
In marriage, the time allocation between “housework sharing” and “newborn care” is very important, because it not only means the centripetal force of the two people for the family in the marriage, but also reflects the “inner heart” of the husband and wife. “Respect” for the spouse.
You must not feel embarrassed to ask questions about housework, because the questions you are asking are very practical, especially if you have a newborn baby, and you have a heavy burden of taking care of the newborn. If you add too much housework, I actually worry about you. This is because newborn care and housework problems will cause your “physical” load. If this situation does not improve, it will indirectly cause your “emotional” overload, which will affect your health and feelings.
Some women mistakenly think that a good woman is to take all the housework and raising children with one hand, and they will become the most powerful assistant in the husband’s heart. To be honest, such an approach will only reduce the “centripetal force” of my husband towards the family and children.
After some women try to communicate with their husbands to no avail, they have to silently take over all the responsibilities of the family. She does not know that such excessive exhaustion will make a woman lose her sense of happiness in marriage because of overwork.
In particular, some men are not sympathetic to their wives for their hard work, and even take for granted the housework and parenting of their wives. What’s even more frightening is that some of those gentlemen who are not sympathetic to their wives even “change their hearts”, throwing out their love, causing an affair, and hurting their wives’ feelings even more.
Therefore, for a smart woman, if you want your man to have a centripetal force for marriage, you must make your man “busy with family.”
Readers should not neglect this kind of problem, because many of the reasons that bring down a woman’s body and soul are the care and upbringing of children, as well as housework. So trying to find a way to solve the problem is very important.
Method 1: Don’t be afraid that changes will cause disputes between husband and wife
Women should not be afraid to express their exhaustion to their husbands. Although at the moment of expression, all the calm seemed to suddenly turn into a stormy sea. However, such conflicts are only short-lived, because if the current problems are not resolved, those problems will cause the source of changes in the relationship between husband and wife in the future .
In the divorce mediation court, the reasons for the divorce of the couple, there are many cases of divorce due to the conflict between “housekeeping issues” and “children’s upbringing.” Such things may seem trivial, but these problems affect the family at a considerable level, and at the same time indirectly affect the feelings of the couple. Therefore, a woman must know that a husband who knows how to give to the family will cherish you in marriage.
Don’t be afraid to speak out your “needs”, because the changes caused by conflict are not so terrible. How can there be a calm period after the storm without passing through the storm period ? But this does not mean to encourage quarrels, because quarrels hurt the relationship between husband and wife. I never believe that the more quarrel, the better. But if your husband is stubborn, quarreling is still necessary , but the principle is “the quarrel must have an important reason.” In addition, quarrels must also grasp the trick, which is to “just take it when you see it.”
“If you see it well,” it means when you express your dissatisfaction to the other party and see that the other party is willing to compromise or change, then immediately stop the topic. And try not to extend the quarrel issue to the next day. When a husband and wife have conflicting views or conflicts of interest, if you only choose to forbear, the other party will sometimes have to make an inch of it, so that over time, your right to speak in the marriage will become worthless.
Therefore, a smart woman must not be a woman who silently suffers grievances in marriage, because the world changes every day. In fact, changes are not necessarily negative. If the marriage life pattern is changed properly, it can often bring about The relationship between husband and wife is getting better and better.
Method 2: Don’t be a woman who silently bears all responsibilities
Change, in fact, only requires some flexibility and courage, just like in the process of driving, it is difficult for us to ensure that the road ahead is free of pits and scars, and it is also difficult to ensure that the road ahead is smooth and free of forks. However, in marriage, you must have the courage to move forward, whether the road ahead will get better or worse .
So women encounter bottlenecks in life. As long as your mind is clear, you can know the direction of the strain when facing critical road conditions, just like a driving vehicle encounters obstacles in front and always needs to try to change the direction of travel.
There is a need for “change” in the life of a couple at every stage. As long as the changes are made, it is good that the husband and wife are willing to face them together. Take childbirth as an example. When a couple changes from a two-person world to a world of several people with children, if the couple still sticks to the rules of their original life, it will definitely be difficult. Because the arrival of the child will affect the work, family expenses and other expenditures and time distribution of the two, so the changes and choices made by the couple will directly affect the family’s control.
Method 3: Recognize the environment of your marriage
To understand the environment in which one’s marriage is located, the most important thing is to understand the “problems” faced by one’s marriage. Therefore, as long as you feel that caring for the newborn and housework are affecting your life, you should be generous with your troubles and seek solutions. Only the willingness to seek solutions can change lives.
In your case, even if the salary for you and your husband is not high. But your husband is still unwilling to help take care of the newborn, so you still have to use part of the salary shared by the two to hire an hourly babysitter so that you can have your own time to do your own things. Or ask an hourly housekeeping staff to help with housework. Because of this, you can take a little rest or seek help from your native family or friends. If feasible, the husband and wife can give up their original job and join the family because the change is temporary. If you still have to work and take care of your family after your maternity leave, you should take care of your children, and then put the housework first, so that your husband is also responsible for the family.
I understand that it may be difficult for your husband to cooperate. But no matter how the birth of a newborn causes a change in the life pattern at home, you must also fight for your own life style. Because I am worried that if you continue to take care of all the newborn care and housework by yourself, it may bring down your own body, mind, and soul. I sincerely suggest that you find time to sleep every day. I understand that finding time to make up for sleep is not easy, but you still have to do it as much as possible. Here, you can broadcast a little time to read the book, and you can also read my book : “The Charm of Falling in Love” , because the fifth unit at the end of this book is entirely for married couples, knowing how to break through the chains of husband and wife. , Especially in the last chapter of my book, there is a detailed mention of the window of marriage soul expression.
In my opinion, women must of course solve the real life problems in their marriage life before they can enter the spiritual improvement , so it is very important to let their souls have a window to express themselves . In addition, don’t underestimate the importance of sleep for women with newborns. I understand that the so-called newborn sleeps, you also sleep, it is very difficult to do because there are too many sundries to do. However, I still hope that you put the clutter in your home second and try to take your sleep into consideration. I can’t suggest you to “change your husband” at this time, because you and your husband still have room to compromise, try first.
Although, according to the truth, “change” can only be directed at oneself, not at the spouse. But for your situation to get better, your spouse must change himself, because the newborn is also his responsibility, and he should also share the housework. But to change another
It is very difficult for one person. Even if it is the closeness of the husband and wife relationship, it is difficult to change the person next to him. Therefore, in your married life, if you want to feel happy, you must give the other part of the responsibility of housework and child upbringing in your life. Such a change does not require a change in the husband’s personality or personality traits, but a change in the husband’s personality or personality traits. Let the man in the marriage know what the centripetal force for the family is.
Women must not always think: If I make such a change, will it cause my husband to be unhappy? In fact, whether you are happy or not is the most important key! In marriage you need to have the courage to change, and the key to such a change is not to be afraid of change!